


No, This Is Not Happening

by Confused-Bird (DoomedTimeline)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Gen, Lance is mad at Ryous hair, Ryou is Kuron, and he fixes it, im sorry this is so bad, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 07:34:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13383150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoomedTimeline/pseuds/Confused-Bird
Summary: Everything seemed fine for a while with Ryou fitting into the team along with Shiro, but then he decided to bleach his hair, and Lance absolutely hated it.





	No, This Is Not Happening

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Over and Overture](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11725008) by [BossToaster (ChaoticReactions)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaoticReactions/pseuds/BossToaster). 



> Hey Boss, this is what you get for not letting me give Ryou a make over and fix his hair. It happened anyway.

Lance watched Ryou from across the rec room, who happened to be having a conversation with Keith. Lance hadn't really been keeping track of how many months had passed since they found out that Ryou was actually Shiro’s clone and when they got the actual Shiro back. 

Everything seemed fine for a while, but then shit went down with Ryou’s own problems with being Shiro’s clone and constantly reassuring that he wasn't Shiro. 

Then Ryou went and decided to bleach his goddamn hair an obnoxious yellow that can only happen with real bleach and not hair bleach. It was a real shock to everyone when he first showed up with it, but it helped with distinguishing him from Shiro, Lance guessed.

But god that bleach job irked him. It looked so bad, and it was patchy. Lance really just wanted to force Ryou down so he could fix it and make it look nice. 

At least they were heading to the space mall, Lance might be able to find some sort of hair salon or product store. He could stare at the products; imagining fixing Ryou’s hair when in actuality he would just hiss like the stupid cat he was.

“Lance, even if you keep staring like that, a hole isn't gonna bore through Ryou” Shiro sighed, breaking Lances concentration. The blue paladin sputtered and blushed slightly. 

“I wasn't staring!” He objected, sitting up quickly. “I was just-...”

“You were staring” Pidge states, rolling their head to give him the yeah-right-look.

“Yup” Hunk agrees, poking lances shoulder softly. “I watched you for a good five minutes”

Ryou looked over, stopping whatever conversation he was having with Keith, an almost knowing smirk sliding up on his face.

“Wow Lance” He laughed, stepping over to lean over the couch, “I can't believe you want my dick that badly~” the coyness in Ryou’s voice irked Lance and made an embarrassed flush rise on his face.

“First of all! No! That is not what I was thinking at all!” Lance squeaked, silently cursing himself for letting his voice crack like that. “And second; I hate all of you!” Lance stood abruptly, looking around at all his accusers, of course he didn't actually mean it but the threat was still there. 

There were laughs from the others around the room and Lance just ended up crossing his arms indignantly. Fuck all of them.

“If you wanted it Lance you could’ve just asked~” Ryou hummed, winking slyly. Laughing quietly at Shiro’s shudder. 

Lance’s face was now the same shade as the red lion as he huffed, opening and closing his mouth like a fish.

“I-! No! Just no!” Lance yelled, pulling more laughs from the others. “That’d be like fucking Shiro! I'm not into Shiro!”

“Awh” Shiro pouted slightly hurt by the comment.

“You have thought about being fucked by Shiro-”

“Shut up, Hunk”

By this point Pidge was laughing hysterically, even Keith was starting to crack from his brooding silent type. Lance huffed again and pouted, now unable to look at both Ryou  _ and _ Shiro. Just fucking great. 

“Fuck all of you-”

“Only if you want us too~”

“I hate you… so much Ryou…” Lance sighs, rubbing his temples harshly “BUT ANYWAY, I’m leaving you all! Someone yell for me when we get to the space mall!” he throws his hands up in the air and starts stalking about of the room, turning around around halfway there and walking backwards with his middle fingers raised in the air. 

He ran off to his room once in the hallway and the others couldnt see him.

“Its fucking on now Ryou, that stupid stormtrooper is getting his hair to look nice whether he likes it or not.” 

 

The castle docked in the space mall a few hours later and Hunk ended taking the duty to make sure Lance actually got out of his room. The yellow paladin sent him a quick text and soon they were graced by Lance’s presence, though looking slightly paranoid. 

“Looks like the lover boy actually decided to join the fucking party” Pidge hummed, resting her hand on her hip. It was unclear whether or not she actually expected him to show up. 

“Shut up Pidge” Lance huffed, crossing his arms. “I actually need to find something in the space mall unlike you guys”

“We can do whatever the fuck we want to in our downtime!” Pidge frowned, glaring up at lance. “And we have to take down the coalition posters, which you can do too while doing whatever you have to” She pokes Lances chest roughly.

“I will! At least i’m not gonna buy a game system without actually having the ability to plug it in an play it!”

“Guys, calm down” Shiro sigh’s, clearly starting to be irritated at their bickering.

Hunk and Ryou just looked at each other and shrugged, seeing no reason to stay any longer if everyone else was just going to keep fighting. 

“Don’t know about you guys but we’re heading into the mall now” Hunk said, following Ryou out of the hangar dock and into the actual mall. 

Lance made a noise and ran off after them, not wanting to be left behind. Though eventually the team split up like the first time they came to the mall. He found himself wandering the openness of the mall with a handful of GAC in his pocket and a couple coalition posters under his arm. 

But then he spotted it.  _ A beauty store. _ Lance quickly threw away the posters in the nearest trash can before bolting over, looking inside the establishment. He walked in quickly, stepping through the isles, looking for what seemed like hair bleach. 

“The translators can translate everything but stupid words” Lance huffed to himself, staring down a shelf full of what looked like dyes and possible bleaches, but with being unable to read any of it, he just sat there glaring until the shop employee came over, looking slightly confused at the customer just glaring at products. 

“I can I help you?” They asked cautiously, unsure of what to expect. 

“Which of these are bleaches, which are semi-permanent dyes, and which brand is best of both” Lance said quickly, moving his hand to cup his chin. Determined to get some these products before the team decided they needed to leave. 

“Oh! Uh” The employee quickly grabbed one kit off the shelf then pointed to another shelf full of rainbow colored boxes. They handed Lance the box and hummed quietly. “This is the best single use bleach kit we have and this row is of the better quality dyes we have with the largest range of color. Need anything else?”

“No, thank you” Lance said and stood, turning to look at the boxes the employee pointed to, turning the bleach kit in his hands slowly. He turned to look at the employee finally but it seemed they already disappeared, he just shrugged and looked down the line of hair dyes until his eyes met an advertisement with something he could not even believe, on it. 

Stupid. Fucking. Lotor. In a goddamn advertisement. For hair products. Just posing like any model normally would. Looking very reminiscent of a certain brand back on earth. 

“Oh my god, Lotor really is a l'oreal bitch” he laughed quietly and pulled his phone out, taking a quick picture of it and sending it to the teams group chat before pocketing it and turning back to the dyes.

To be fair, he didn't actually know what color Ryou liked and he learned better than to assume he liked the same as Shiro. Lance ended up shrugging and grabbing a lavender box and heading back towards the front of the store. 

Lance payed for the items and ended up grabbing a couple vials of nail polish as well because he could and no one could stop him. He left the store and frowned, noticing that he had spent a good bit of his money. 

“Gross” He sighed quietly and shoved what money he had left back in his pocket. With there being nothing else he wanted to do around the mall he just sighed and started walking back to the castle, everyone else would probably be finished what they were doing in a bit so it didn't matter. 

 

If there was one thing that Ryou didn't expect, it was Lance to barge into his room after everyone had retired to their own rooms. At least he actually had clothes on when Lance barged in and wasn't doing anything bad.

“Lance what the fuck” He said quickly, pulling the covers around him tightly as habit. 

“Ryou, I’m fixing your hair”

“What Lance no”

“It looks bad and you should feel bad! I’m gonna fix it and make it look nice!” Lance huffed loudly and shut the door behind him, dropping the shopping bag on the bed. 

“My hair is fine” Ryou pouted, crossing his arms.

“No its not!!! It's all patchy!! And a gross bleach blonde!!!”

“That's just my  _ unique personal identity _ , let me live Lance”

“No”

“Fuck you”

“Later” 

“oH” 

Lance sighed and picked up the back, pulling out the bleach kit and the lavender box from it. 

“Look, at least let me fix your hair so its all roughly the same color and the dye is only a semi permanent so if you don't like it, it'll wash out in a basically a week”

Ryou looked at the boxes for a few minutes, thinking over Lance’s proposition with a hum when something dawned on him. 

“Wait a minute, is this why you were staring at me this morning?” Ryou laughed, taking the dye box from Lances hand. 

Lance flushed brightly and coughed. “You know what I don't need this, just let me fix you hair”

“Okay fine” Ryou hummed, slowly getting out of bed. “You can do it” 

Lance let out a sweet hiss and grabbed the bag and shoved the boxes back into it before grabbing Ryou’s wrist and dragging him into the bathroom, dropping the bag into the sink. 

“I’d suggest you take off your tanktop” Lance hummed, pulling off his own jacket and throwing it back into the room.

“Wow I cant believe youre in such a rush to strip me” Ryou said jokingly, only to receive a swat on the hip from Lance. He  _ oofed  _ and pouted slightly as he pulled his tank top off.

“You’re so mean to me Lance” Ryou said, dropping the toilet seat lid and sitting on it. 

“Thats me, mean Lance” The blue paladin retorted, popping open the box and pouring the bleach chemicals into the small container provided. He only then remembered the smell of bleach and frowned slightly.

“Uh hey Ryou? The smell might get pretty bad and I dunno if it might trigger anything?” he said softly. 

Ryou only shrugged and leaned back. “Nothing happened when I bleached my hair initially”

“Okay but that was conditioner and  _ actual bleach _ ” 

“Dont worry about it lance”

“Okay…”

Lance mixed the chemicals and sighed, this was certainly going to be an experience. Eventually the two were just sitting around the bathroom with Lance focusing on painting Ryou’s nails a nice gold color with a black nail on his ring finger. Ryou’s hair was currently bathing in the lavender dye and they still had another twenty minutes or so before it could be washed out. 

“What do you think the others are gonna say about my hair?” Ryou hums, poking lances face with one of his dry fingers. 

“Probably the same reactions as when you bleached it, except its gonna look nice this time” Lance made a face at the finger and and moved his face away. 

“Thats boring”

“I only care about it looking nice okay?”

“Rude”

“Shut up dude”

“Youre gonna have to make me”

“I can either grab a wash cloth and shove it in your mouth or a dirty sock, your choice”

“What about your dick”

“No”

“Awh”

Lance pulled away as he was finished with painting Ryou’s nails. He capped off the nail polish and moved back to lean against the wall.

“How many minutes do we have left?” 

“Five I think, I guess you could go ahead and shower now but a couple of your nails are still wet so just wait until the timer’s up I guess”

“Alright”

Lance shifted slightly, so his feet were on top of Ryou’s. Just a weird gesture it seemed. 

“So have you actually imagined fucking Shiro?” Ryou suddenly brings up, examining his fingers.

“I think everyone’s imagined fucking Shiro, I don’t know if I would act on it though.”

“Well I certainly haven't thought about fucking Shiro”

“Well that cause you two are brothers and that’d just be weird”

“Hm”

“Why are you bringing it up?”

“Shiro and I have the same physic so some people have probably imagined doing me as well”

“Now that, I don’t know” Lance laughs quietly, dropping his head back against the wall. 

The timer suddenly went off and the two jumped slightly. Lance stood up and turned it off. 

“I’ll go stand in the other room while you rinse your hair out, okay?” Lance hummed, gathering up the now empty boxes to throw away. Ryou nodded and waited for Lance to shut the door behind him before stripping completely and stepping into the shower. It only took him a few minutes to wash it all, putting the special conditioner in his hair, rinsing that as well. He opened the door when he was dressed and Lance stepped back in with a hair dryer and comb.

“Where did you even find those?” Ryou asked, unsure of where he got anything in the castle.

“Allura” Lance hummed, as if that explained everything. Ryou just nodded and shrugged, sitting back on the toilet seat as Lance plugged in the hair dryer and started drying the others hair. 

Soon Ryou’s hair was dry and back in its usual style, which is then when Lance finally let Ryou see his own hair. 

“Oof” Ryou sighed, leaning forward to look in the mirror and examine his hair better. 

“Do you like it?” Lance says anxiously, bouncing slightly behind the taller. 

“Yeah actually”

“Yeeess”

“Lets see how I can mess it up”

“Ryou nO”

**Author's Note:**

> Theres a running joke with my friends that Lotor is a l'oreal bitch because of his hair so there we go


End file.
